Sunday, August 27, 2006

The Porch

Since I have been gone most of the summer, I wasn't able to fully take advantage of my back porch. Over the past couple of years this porch has been the home of many nights of drunken debauchery, barbecues, and the occasional midnight rendezvous. So being the last weekend of the summer months, I had to throw a summer of backporch fun into one night.

Ditching my friends AFC party, which I heard later on was full of it's own Drunken tales that will be told for years to come, I stayed home with the roommates and their friends. It all started as usual; Costume Girl got on her phone and called her friend Reny, not to be confused with Renee, unfortunately that is what she did. She called yelled into the phone when the person picked up, "Why aren't you here and where is our beer." Then proceeds into a long diatribe about getting his ass in gear, gossip, etc... But then her face went white as a ghost. Realizing she was not talking to her friend Reny, but her Agent Renee. Yes, she had made a large party foul and the night hadn't even started yet. The question stood out like a Large elephant hovering thirty feet in the air defecating all over the onlookers; Would Costume girl be getting anymore work from her agent after that call?

It was debated most of the night and decided that when confronted with the question of what happened, she would play the "have no memory of the phone call" card. Eventually Reny and his friend Diane showed up. We all sat on the porch discussing the size of midget penis. I never knew it actually was the same length of one of their legs and in fact could be mistaken as a "Third Leg." Reliable sources came into play to learn that useless fact.

So on the night went, never one of us moving from the porch. Till I had the grandiose idea that I would teach my roommates how to play the classic drinking game from Indiana, Sink The Biz. I may have told stories of Sink the Biz from my college days, how my bucket resides on the ceiling of Nicks because of a drinking record my roommates from college and I hold, or the night I was seduced by one of my students while playing the the game, or maybe even the tale of my 21st birthday when this small bucket of beer caused me to be thrown out of the Bar that I hold so close to my heart.

Anyways I ran upstairs and came back with the bucket that was bequeathed to me on graduation day from the most lovely waitress Eryn. In my most excited voice I exclaimed, "This is Sink the Biz." Everyone looked at me confused and I explained the rules of a bucket full of beer with a small weighted glass floating in the center. Everyone has a glass of beer and pours their beer into the glass floating in the center(the biz). Whoever sinks it, Drinks it. I then ran to the store realizing one case of beer would not be enough and purchased two more cases to help in the cause.

***Update: For the actual Rules to Sink the Biz Click Here!***

When I returned they all looked at me like I was nuts. They didn't understand how a game where you were trying not to drink could be fun? Well after we went through one case of beer in the first 20 minutes of play, everyone kind of understood. The drunkenness got worse and worse, still no one moving from the porch. Slowly but surely people started to pass out, weird unexplainable things started to happen, and to be honest it all is a little blurry. Don't worry I didn't make out with my roommates, but I'm pretty sure at naked running was discussed. All in all it turned into some great roommate bonding and now I think they understand a little bit more about the drinking culture in Indiana.

Today was tough, waking up with a hangover. But It didn't stop me from trying on a kilt. Yeah, I was kind of molested by a giant, possibly gay, man in a kilt, who took my pants off and put a kilt on me. Trust me it makes as little sense to me as well, but I got to admit wearing a dress sure was nice in this heat!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Did you know ants...

are the most annoying of all the bugs I have come across in my lifetime. I know what your all thinking, there are plenty of other bugs that cause more drama then the ant. Well, when your house suddennly becomes infested with them, then you'll understand why the ant is the bane of my existence.

I awoke to see ten of the little buggers forming a conga line across my chest leaving bite marks. I pushed them away and looked up to see them forming a village on my desk, with a pipeline system leading to my waste basket. With one fell swoop I knocked them all into the trash and then ran like the wind with the trash can outsteched in my arms. I threw everything into our large trash can and left my wastebasket on the back porch, as I reentered the house I stopped in awe of what our kitchen looked like. Thousands of ants crawling this way and that. It looked as if they had settled on new planet, too bad it was my kitchen. I could think of only one person who could help me with my dilemma, so I called my mother. She gave the long explanation of how I should be more tidy and then she explained about the ant hotel. They are little white disks with holes in them, the ants think of them as the Cancun style resort of antdom. You know topless young ants, free buffet, all night partying with drugs. But what they don't realize is it all is poison and in the end, they die, a terrible death, bwhahahaaaaa. And kill all their ant mates in the process. I love it. So I bought some of these hotels and now I'm sitting and waiting. We'll see who gets the last laugh.

Today I went ice skating to take my mind off the ants, I also figured if any had stowed away in my clothes they would die from the cold. My roommates, some friends of ours, and I went to this ice skating rink in the valley. Tattoo guy and his friend were having trouble with the skating, they were more or less stumbling around the ice rink. It didn't help that small children were zooming around them at hundreds of miles an hour, in my mind, trying to knock them over on purpose. But an unsual event took place at the ice rink.

The new Stickler, the guy who tries to have a social life and work at the same time. A chance to test this became available at the rink. As I was skating I passed by a cute girl. Don't get me wrong their were lots of girls at the skate rink, but I try not to flirt with 12 year olds unless I know in 6 years she will be smoking hot! This girl was older and with her friends, but see she looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place it. I skated over to Tattoo guy and Sleeps On Our Couch girl and said, "I think I know that girl?" and pointed in their direction. Tattoo guy then said, "Oh the girl who has been checking you out since we got here?" I had no idea about that. Tattoo guy told me to go talk to her, but I didn't want to approach her with, "Hey have we met somewhere before?" It just kind of sounds stupid, and she was skating with 4 other girls, I was scared. Tattoo guy said, "Is this how the new Stickler acts?" Anyways my friends got off the ice, and with my expert skating ability I stayed and did a couple more laps. Eventually I found myself right behind the cute girl. Her friends had all skated ahead, so I came up right behind her and said, "Do I know you from somewhere?" And she replies, "Yeah I was thinking the same thing." It turns out 7 years ago we both were part of a club in college that we kind of ran together. She had changed though, alot, and was alot more attractive then I remember. So I did the only thing a guy in my situation can do, I skated with her for about a half hour, we caught up, and then I asked for her number. So hooray for the new Stickler, because the old one would have never approached her in the first place.

And last but not least, I never, ever, click on the Blogs of Note at the top of blogger. But today as I was signing in to write all this, the blog of note was called Tripping On Words. What an unusual name and it was so catchy I clicked on it. When the blog came up it seemed like my computer froze due to a flash image on the page, eventually a pop up came up saying I could disable the nonworking flash image and once I got past it the blog was well worth the wait. So it is a blog about Claire and Lara who write travel books while traveling around the world. They are somewhere near day 130 of their trip, I went back and read every post. One of the most fascinating Blogs I've found in awhile and I think you should all go take a look at it. But don't take my word for it, this is when we cut to small children talking about their favorite books ala Reading Rainbow, instead you'll have to click here and read for yourself.

Also I apologize for my lack of writing lately, I'm back in the swing of things now. Work has been killing me, but the new Stickler makes time for the things that he enjoys!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Flying on a Courier Ticket

So, this is short, I'm busy right now. So just a question. DOes anyone know anything about flying as a courier? I know it is cheaper, but what does it entail?

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Big Wedding Debacle

I have a slight problem. I have too many weddings to go too. I know this doesn't sound like a problem, but it is. For all of you that have gone to weddings in the past you know how big of a problem this actuelly is. It all starts with me selfishly taking a trip to Europe which has made me poor. Now not only do I need to buy wedding gifts for 3 weddings, I have to buy plane tickets for three weddings. Then I have to find hotel rooms for three weddings, and lastly buy some sort of different tie for all three weddings, since the same people may be at all the weddings. This adds up monetarily, and I will be poor.

But to be honest money isn't really the problem. The date issue is the problem. See none of these weddings are in Los Angeles. Only one is in my hometown. The other two, do I go stag? Do I really want to go to a wedding all by myself in some remote part of the country and not bring someone with me? So you all see the problem. So I need your help, I have a wedding I really want to go to in Arizona, Pheonix to be exact. I need a date, it is one of my good friends from college, but to be honest I don't know any of his friends. Not a single one, but I want to go, because it is important. So I need a date, who can help me out? As you can see from the pictures I'm not that bad looking of a guy, sometimes! And free booze is always fun!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Lesbioke?

What a Saturday, for a day that really was not eventful some crazy weird things happened. Let's begin with surfing...

I got out early on Saturday morning and much to my dismay the wax started falling off my board and new wax would not stick. I caught a couple waves and then headed to my local surf shop for some advice. Still being relatively new to this I had no idea what was going on. I walked into the store and asked the first clerk "Why is the wax falling off my board?" He explained that I had to peel all the wax off my board and then clean the surface with this stuff called asitane(sp?). Then reapply all the wax from the beginning. He then proceeded to try to sell me a 20 dollar scraper. I told him that I was just going to use one of those junk credit cards that come in the mail. I knew those things would come in handy eventually! He then started telling me how the credit cards will brake, but the scraper, thats forever! I told him no thanks, I'll chance it.

So I got home and started scraping the wax off. This took forever and I have a nice impression of a line going up the center of my hand from scraping with the cards.
Which incidently didn't brake and worked like magic! So finally I had a really clean board. It looked so nice I didn't want to put new wax on it. But in order for the surfing to continue I had too. Just a lazy Saturday, Till...

Dylan called. He wanted to know what I was up too. Him being one of my three remaining friends in LA because of some drama that occurred before I left, I told him nothing. He wanted to hang out and have an adventure. Since I still can't drink because of the antibiotics, I made the suggestion of bowling!

We bowl at this place called Eagle Rock Lanes. By no means is it close, but on Saturday nights they have Karaoke but it is usually empty. We both decided this would be a chill night, till everything went wrong. We started in lane 6, bowled about one half of a game and then the ball return stopped working. Every time we would bowl from hence forth our balls would get stuck and I would have to have the manager come out and fix it. Game one took about 45 minutes to complete. I asked the manager to switch our lanes so he sent us to lane 1. Guess what? As soon as we started bowling lane 1 ball return stopped working. I complained again telling them I was tired of bowling and that I wanted a refund. They wouldn't give it to us, instead they moved us to Lane 12, which for some reason they couldn't turn the power on for it. So then they moved us to Lane 14. The ball return broke in that lane as well. I walked up the manager and told him, "I don't want to play I want a refund!" He kept telling me that was impossible, we fought about it. Eventually another manager came out and told us he would refund our money, but not for the shoes. Because technically we wore them the whole time. Bull$*&! I was pissed, but I gave in. Taking our refund; Dylan and I walked into the bar to Karaoke. And we saw an unusual sight...

The room was packed with about 50 women, all of which had one trait in common. They had mullets. We looked at each other and realized at the same time that every women in the bar must be a lesbian or it was 80's night. We were confirmed of our suspicions when two of the girls got up on the stage and screamed, "Lesbian birthday party!" and everyone cheered. Yeah, we were definitly out of place. Dylan and I signed up for our songs and realized that we were about to go down in flames and their was no way either of us would be meeting any girls tonight. Dylan got up first and sang "Funke Cold Medina" by Tone Loc, which got the lesbians going. We had both decided to go with what we knew, this was not the night to experiment.

I got up and sang "Come Sail Away" by Styx. As I approached the stage, Dylan in his drunken stupor told the lesbians that I had self esteem issues and they should cheer loudly. Well that is what they did. The Lesbians kind of inducted us into their group, kind of. They gave us cake! One of the Lesbians started flirting with Dylan, Her significant other was not happy with this. And she was forcibly pulled away from us. We got up and sang "Total Eclipse of the Heart" doing all of our most gay dance moves we could think of, such as; singing to each other, Dylan tried to hump my leg, we almost kissed but didn't, etc... The Lesbians couldn't get enough of it. We then exited the stage and left. One random question I pondered on the way home...Do Lesbians hang out with only big groups of lesbians? Is it a big orgy at the end of the night?

Not really exciting, but definitly a night that I won't forget for awhile.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Took the day off or not allowed to go to work!

Yeah, so I've had this cough for 4 weeks. Not one of those, Zoolander;"Cough cough I think I'm getting a Black Lung" It's more like a Hacking cough where phlegm goes flying this way and that, sometimes coating entire peoples faces. Which reminds me of that porn I was looking at last night. Were talking one nasty cough.

So Tuesday I was told not to come to work and go see the docter. Yeah!! a day of no pay. I'm not really excited about not making any money, but I guess my health is more important then being able to pay my rent. So I went to the docter, now it is important to note tha in my 4 years of living in LaLaLand I have never been to a docter for two reasons. One, I didn't have insurance for awhile, then I learned why one should have insurance and everything changed. Two I didn't want to try to find a docter out here, because how was I suppossed to know that the Docter was real and he wasn't just playing one on TV?

Anyways I found a docter, and He gave me a thurogh examination. I was told that I had a wonderful Bacterial Infection in my lung. I acted all tough in front of the docter, saying it must have been all that makin gout with girls in Europe. But really, how bad does that sound. This seriously can not be a good thing. The docter came back into the room and handed me a brown paper bag. I felt like I was in the middle of some surreal drug deal in a docter office, especially since their were technically drugs in the bag. So now I am on some great antibiotics for the next week and a half. They make me dizzy for 20 minutes! As well, as an inhaler, that I have to use twice a day that shoots a powder like coke into my throat. Must be why it came in a brown paper bag.

Now i'm back at work and this morning for the first time ever in my life my alarm didnt go off. I was sound asleep when for some reason I turned over and looked at my clock. It said 5:36 AM, And I turned back over completely relaxed and thought, ahhh 5:36 AM. Then suddennly I bolt upright realizing I had to be at work at 6:00 AM. I jumped out of bed, threw on a shirt, forgot my pants and scared my next door neighbor when she saw certain things that her old eyes couldn't handle. Had to come back in the house for them but had no keys. Luckily the back door was open! and then drove faster then the last time I ran from the cops in a high speen car chase. I made it exactly on time, which in LaLaland, driving 10 miles in 15 minutes is really tough, especially at the beginning of rush hour. I caught my breath at the trailer. I took a big breath of fresh air, then realized I smelled pretty bad and proceeded to have a wonderful day of causing little children to turn away from me in disgust. I really hope tomorrow is better!