Tuesday, May 02, 2006

"The worst thing you can do to a child is ignore them!"

That quote is from my first camp boss. Ben Schwartz, he sat us all in a circle the first night we arrived at camp and told us if there is anything we should take away from this experience, this may be the most important. I will never forget him for opening me up as a person.

So anonymous got me thinking, what happened that very first summer of being a camp counslor? What did I learn? How did I change? Well, Camp B was the very first time I jotted down the crazy thoughts that go through my head. So to answer these questions I searched through mounds of books, and then through boxes, till I remembered that this one special journal I hid in a drawer under my clothes so I could reread things I had written when I was feeling glum. I dusted off the cobwebs and opened the first journal I have ever written in. It was astonishing reliving all those memories in my mind and has given me some good blog fodder for the week. Now I could just copy the entire thing for you folks, but instead I want to quote for you what I wrote on the last day of camp. This is a direct quote from a journal I have never read to anyone, so please let me know what you think!

This is for myself to read 50 years from now, or for whoever finds this book after I am long gone; so here goes:

Even though at this point in my life I have only lived 18(almost 19) long years. I feel I have learned some absolute truths about myself and living in general this past summer.

First; Always take on everything you do with the best attitude. Everyone who has ever known me was amazed at how happy a person I am, but the best part is...this happiness spreads and when people are around me they become happy!

Second; Have fun. In school who cares what you study, just have fun aand somehow if your enjoying yourself, you'll always succeed in what you do.

These two absolute truths I always want to remember and I hope that I realize that I have lived them. Well, thats it for camp, for tomorrow starts the next chapter of my epic life

Well I have to admit, wise words from a youngin'. I have actuelly lived my life this way, except I did work my butt off in college. It wasn't all fun and partying. But I have always been happy and found it to be contagious! Now what else did I find in this magical journal. Well Lots of boring stuff about how fun camp was, crushes on girls, sneaking to bars, skinny dipping, fun games, wicked pranks I pulled etc...

But the best was the poem I found about the summer love that broke my heart. So Ladies and Gentleman of the blogosphere, my world debut of really bad poetry. I promise this is the only one, but I had to share, because it really is, well I'll just let you all be the judge! And if you could see the journal entry there is a duck drawn above the poem, Why? I don't know!

To My Love

Now a fairy tale this may not be,
But tis a story of a Boy named Me.
Everyone has heard nursery rhymes
And many tales from different times.
But never a love story like this before,
Which robs men of all that they were.

Now me was a lad, who that of late
Had never been on a real date.
And then out of nowhere came a beauty, of to speak,
Her eyes were aflame, and his heart became weak.
Was true love at first sight
He couldn't wait to see her again that night.

They talked and they chatted about things long lost.
They had more in common and from this is would cost,
His heart, he would give,But in silent reprimand
She would smite him and would feel as though damned.
Sinking to that place where only darkness dwell
Lost within the soundless pits where no one can tell.

And there is a picture, an image so still
Of the soverign young beauty he met long ago on a hill.
Forever in anguish he will have to live
Thinking of sweetness in a place, where he can't even give
To himself a pleasure to know he has survived.
Even though that lovely beast that has not died
Within his mind and not even to depart
The lovely sound has stolen his heart.

And now with no place to turn,
He dwells where a picture of beauty can not burn.
In the depths of a cavern where he can't see or touch.
The mind ever wandering back to this hutch.
Still ever looking for some sort of key
Sits the heart broken soul of a boy named Me.

-Stickler, September 21st, 1999.

Wow, she really hurt me, but to love and loss is better then to have not love at all. The story of what happened to this girl is kind of funny too. She ended up dating another guy back at school after the summer. I never met the guy till one day seven years later I was in a bar in LA and this girl from Indiana stumbles in. It turns out the guy that she went off with was one of my good friends in LA. Weird!


Blogger janestarr said...

I think sometimes it is helpful to look back to know we had some clue about what was going on, or at least to see how far we've come.

May 02, 2006 5:41 PM  
Blogger Steph said...

I so love going through my old diaries. That was really nice Stickler, and great poetry too :)

May 03, 2006 6:30 PM  
Blogger Drunken Chud said...

stick... i gotta say, that... is some damn sorry poetry. though i have to say the artistical genesis came in the 4th stanza when you broke from a 6 line verse to an 8. such artistry, such imagery... such oh my god i wrote that same crap when i was 18. i found some of it recently and i laughed so hard. i used to take myself waaaaay too seriously.

so... how'd that heartache play out anyhow?

May 03, 2006 6:53 PM  
Blogger Stickler said...

Janestarr, your absolutlty right, as we can see I haven't made it very far!

Steph, Oh queen of Oz-poetry, mine could never rival yours. But thanks for the props!

Chud, Yes, i was young and didn't understand time and measure, but how did it play out. When I ran into her again 7 years later the first thing she said was, "Stickler look how much better I look, I can't believe you liked me when I looked like that." I'm was over her long ago! But if given the chance I probably would have gotten a piece!

May 03, 2006 8:29 PM  
Blogger Drunken Chud said...

oooh, she's shallow and hot. i love her already. you shoulda hit is.

May 03, 2006 11:46 PM  

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