Saturday, November 26, 2005

Look Ma! That's the guy she lost her virginity to!!!

so, when is it appropriate to scream across a crowded bar to a friend and ask him if he'd heard the story about what happened last night? especially when the story has to do with me and the guy i had the unfortunate opportunity of losing my virginity to? my brother (the older one, that is) doesn't always think before he opens his mouth, so generally ridiculous and highly innapropriate things come spilling out of it. the story goes like this:

a few nights ago, i'm sitting in a super crowded bar on Madison Avenue with a few of my brother's friends (my brother is not present). We are drinking, heavily, as is everyone else in the bar, since most of the people happen to be from OP, this being the most crowded bar night of the year, the night before thanksgiving, the night everyone comes back to town, and goes out drinkin. as we are chattin and drinkin away, said-virginity-taker, stumbles upon us. upon his greeting, he says something along the lines of having just vomited in the bathroom and then proceeds to ask Downs for a sip of his beer.. i believe Downs then proceeded to pick up a random beer from a table and hand it to him, he drank up. (ps.. who vomits, tells people he vomits, and then asks for a sip of their beer??? real classy!!) i'm sitting there thinking, please, don't see me... he sees me. as he reaches toward my face, and touches my hair, i can't quite remember exactly what happened, i was concentrating on not vomiting out of disgust, i say hello and hope the conversation will end there. maybe he'll fall over and pass out.. if we're lucky he might even die from skeezyness.. so this sleezeball, just talks and talks, i don't even remember what he was saying, but it was obnoxious, and i think i spent most of the time kicking giles hopeing he would get this asshole out of there... no luck, no one could be saved from his mindless banter about how he loves his life of being a total prick and how he gets tons of job offers and turns them down, yet somehow makes loads of money, all of which seemed to be total bullshit, and all i could hope was that someone would come over and mistake him for someone they hate and beat the shit out of him... to my dismay, that did not happen. instead he stole away one of our other friends attention, and proceeded to bore her to death with how amazing he thinks he is... meanwhile, i lean over to Steotzner and grit my teeth, and tell him that i, at one point in time, found that thing, what ever he is, attractive, and had the unfortunate experience of losing my virginity to it. the laughter that ensued lasted about five minutes, and spread to everyone in our group as soon as they all discovered what was so funny... and it is funny.. disgusting, and hillarious...

so, this brings us to last night. the story is related to my brother while we are out drinking once again at the same bar. i don't mind the few people that we were with knowing, cuz it's ok to tell your close friends embarrasing personal things, cuz it's funny, and makes it hurt just a little less if other people can help you laugh at how much of a jackass you once were. BUT, here's where my brother makes the mistake, he decides to tell someone that i don't know, this story.. but not just tell him, he screams it across the table! so, i scream, as loud as my brother just screamed, "hey asshole, how would you feel if i broadcast to the whole bar how you lost your virginity.. oh wait, you haven't lost it yet!"

...and that my friends, is how i taught my brother a little lesson in decency.


Blogger Stickler said...

By the way, why doesn't Mom have pictures of your man friends up on the wall, wasn't it something like they change all the time.
Love Ya too Sis!

November 27, 2005 5:35 PM  

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